Ode to Self-Reflection: Columbus, Ohio
I often find journal entries or random things I’ve written in the past. Many times they make me laugh, smile or even embarrass me a little. This one however, makes me feel some sort of way. I thought I’d share it with you.
South Warren Avenue 9:33 PM Monday, March 6th, 2017
I am emotional. I am empathetic. I see so much good. I see so much pain. I long to make a difference. But how? What do I have to offer? Happiness comes from helping others. Joy comes from giving of yourself. My intentions are to go traveling and I imagine I will learn a great many things during my adventures. My hope is that during one of these trips something will click. Something will feel right, like it is meant to be. Or maybe somewhere deep inside I already know which path to take but I am unable to see the way because of blockages. How can I open my heart further? What can I do to go deeper into my spiritual self? I read, I watch, I listen. I look for signs---feelings. I open myself, I grow some more. I keep reading. Ideas come and go. Many people will tell me just to pick one thing and get good at it. How can I pick one thing to do with my life? I could no sooner pick a favorite flower. I want to smell them all. I want to travel---see new places, meet new people, have new experiences. I want to learn to play guitar and to sing well again. I want to make a difference by sharing my written word, my insights and discoveries. I want to share my photography. I want to help other women find their voice as I have found mine. I want to make a difference in my family’s life. I want to learn about nutrition. I want to learn about yoga and physical fitness. I want to create. I want to lose track of time. I want to share my---inner self. Drop the ego. Thank you for all that you have taught me ego but I no longer need you. I no longer want to see you. Don’t call. Don’t write. You may go now.
Upon reading this I wondered, ‘Where has this precious human gone?’ I’ve allowed the everyday bullshit to take precedence in my daily life. It seems I need to be reading a ‘spiritual’ book of sorts in order to remain present in that state. That is a muscle that still gets to become stronger. I absolutely love reading these books, but I don’t want to have to be reading one in order to be spiritually present.
Time to be alone in nature to re-energize my body, mind and spirit. Hopefully I can make some sense of this thing called life and find a true balance that lasts.